Thursday, December 22, 2011

Two Dead Birds, One Lump of Coal......

     I appreciate bumper stickers.  They are a tiny bit of entertainment during an otherwise frustrating ritual that is morning and afternoon traffic.  I saw one this week on a Dodge Ram truck that was outfitted with some nice offroad tires and a lift kit that read: "My footprint is bigger than yours".  Typically in these situations I go for the obvious sarcasm's, like "he must wear a size 14 shoe to put that kind of sticker on his truck"...but I'm sliding past that and acknowledging the jab he was throwing at the environmentally concerned of Denver.  Right off the bat I was upset....because he was probably right!  I bet his footprint is bigger!  I'm a competitive guy, and deep down that got me thinking...how big is my footprint?  For added mental complexity--for me--I had at the time been mulling over my legacy....what about me stands out? What will people remember me for? What have I accomplished so far?  And it gelled in my mind....I will beat this guy.  I will increase my footprint to an incredible level, one possibly visible from space.  I win and I create a legacy, really accomplish something of merit.
     This sounds easier than I think it will actually be.  How inefficiently can I live on a day to day basis to ensure that I amass more carbon emissions than everyone that surrounds me?  Well, for starters, I'm typing this naked because I've turned the heat up in my house to 106°.  Sounds hot, but it's really just comfortable because I've opened half my house windows since it's snowing and chilly outside...you should see the steam rising off the roof, it's crazy!  Nothing like a warm, crackling gas fire place raging in the middle of the day too...boy it feels like the holidays!  Speaking of that...Christmas lights.  These babies are never getting turned off...in fact, I need more--Clark Griswold, show me your way!  Once they're all up, they're staying up all year...it'll look like a fancy Mexican restaurant in Texas around here!   I've already got every light on in here, and right about now I'm regretting the switch we made to those "high efficiency" mercury poisoning inducing lights....too efficienct, totally against the grain here, just bad timing.  But there's more than just keeping the meter spinning (I'm proud of myself, I stopped typing for a while and came back again just now--and left the computer on!).
     Vehicles...I think I'll need to keep them running 24/7, which is really a win/win since it's 19° outside.  Nothing better than getting into a warm car when it's freezing out.  I think I'll fire up the generator and lawn mower while I'm at it and just let them idle....with the garage door open of course...I'm not reckless.
     I have to think of this as a year round venture, so there is the classic juxtaposition--A/C units--contributing (allegedly) to global warming while cooling it at the same time.   I think this summer I'll buy as many window units as I can fit in my truck.  Then I'll plug them all in and fire them up in the backyard....so I'm ensuring a huge footprint while ironically cooling the atmosphere just enough to offset the potential "damage"...my own carbon credit of sorts.  I'm not sure how this is all going to be documented or shared with the world, but my legacy will live on through my kids at a minimum--and not just genetically.  I can see it now, everyone sitting around talking about dear old dad someday....."Remember what he did to the house?  What a freak, I never slept in that stupid house, too many lights on....but I did enjoy the soothing buzz of air conditioning units going non-stop just outside our bedroom window."  "Want to decorate for Christmas this year?"...."No."
     Ah, to be remembered.  The harder part is going to be finding that dude in the Dodge to rub it in his face....but then again, I might not want to....especially if all he meant was that he had huge feet, which also relates to a huge fist.  I'm competitive, but I'm not good at confrontation.   Man, I didn't think of that.  I need to rethink this whole thing.  It's hot in here....um, forget I said anything.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Tebow or not Tebow....that's...a dumb question.

A dumb question yes, but I bet it's the first blog of mine you've bothered to click on......the dude is that big.  He's a polarizing, compelling stud....love to hate him, or hate that you love him, either way you probably have an opinion.  That fact alone is interesting since no one really knows the guy...we don't have 15 years worth of NFL seasons to see, and there's not that much out there from college unless you're a sports nut or from Florida.  We know he wore eye black with bible verses on it in college...and they told him not to do that....which is silly and sad.  We know he's an outspoken Christian and extremely competitive.....which is a combination that I'm sure scares a lot of people in this country under the age of 50...which is also sad, and silly. 
Here is a guy who won the Hiesmann, National Championships, and was then a top draft pick into a backup situation....third in line in fact.  He's been told his whole career he wasn't NFL material, but his frame and prowess served him well at the college level.  And yet....
He's been generating headlines all year and of late things have gotten pretty interesting.  He's had articles lately promoting him for MVP, his stats have been broken down to show his "yards per touch" as being in the top 4 or 5 in the NFL.  And there's that whole "Broncos Win Streak" thing....from 1-5 and the cellar to 7-5 and first place.  Today "The Onion" had a headline story that joked that his story has inspired more teams to start bad quarterbacks...to paraphrase.  
The thing I wonder about while I look at Tebow's story develop is, why do people take such an issue with him?  The only people that have a legitimate concern or a say in his ability as a quarterback are the folks paying his salary, and they seem like they've had the least to say--other than they're going to ride this train until it stops.  I don't understand someone who, like me, works in a completely unrelated profession and has the kinds of things to say about Tebow's skill set or personal life.  The silly thing when you read the stories or overhear the water cooler conversations, is opinions are just being recylcled everywhere without any new revelations....he's just plain offensive to some and the best thing since sliced bread to others.....it's clearly political.  It's political, it's emotional, and it rubs up against peoples core because he's the biggest name in a long time that's forcing people to accept that good guys still exist...that somebody out there really is better than most of us....and that you can have it all and not be a jerk to get it. 
Some of my friends will appreciate this question based on conversations we've had....but try to answer it honestly--what is so offensive about a white, male, outspoken Christian?  Now tell me he's not popping up in the news because of personal or political views....
There are probably 5 people that care about his footwork in the pocket, legitimately.  There are probably as many that stay up late analyzing his arm motion during the pressure of a two-minute drill.  But there are lot more that care about him unashamedly bowing for a quick prayer....Tebowing--a national phenomanon.  Picking on someone for praying in public--wow America, way to represent.   An irony in this country, especially with younger generations, is that everyone wants to be an "individual" but systematically accepted, wants everyone to accept everyone else, but are completely offended when other's actually express something they've accepted for themselves....especially if it isn't the same thing that they themselves believe...which in the end kills true individualism....sad and silly.
There are those, however, that just don't care about any of this....don't care about football, don't care about Tim Tebow.  That's just fine, a nice little spark of individuality there, keep it up.   Not me though, I'm a fan.  Football is a great game, another great American gift to the world.  Frankly, so is Tim Tebow.  No pressure Tim, but it's more important that you "hold the line" off the field than on.  You've stepped into an arena few have walked into and succeeded and for all that is good, I hope you never falter.  Winning games is great, but winning in life is better, and we need some success stories.  So keep it up Tim, the kids are watching, the media is leering and waiting, and everyone else is talking. 
Hmm, I guess I answered my dumb question for myself at least......I say Tebow.